"I'm too busy" and other lame excuses
Do what is right not what is easy.
This meditation thing? Yea, it’s bringing up a lot. In fact, I’ve learned that I may be the master of excuses. Ughhh let the unravelling begin…
My excuses come in many forms. They can be as simple as why I didn’t close the cupboard door or why I didn’t return that phone call…two days ago. They can also be a bit more profound—like why the PhD is put on hold, why I haven’t had an oil change that’s been due for five months, and why I haven’t gone for a run since last fall. I’ll be the first to admit this is uncomfy territory—it’s like he old adage of airing dirty laundry, but in this case I feel as though I am waving my unmentionables from the highest rooftop with a sea of people below...just watching...waiting. Sighhh vulnerability—isn’t she beautiful? (See, we don’t all have our shit together).
When this personal realization hit me, (somewhere between stepping off my mat and attempting to clean the house), I explored it a bit more and found out a few scary (but quite helpful) things about why this IS ALWAYS HAPPENING (notice the drama there? Yea, I’m working on that too…). The culprit: I’m afraid of fucking up. I’m afraid of disappointing. I’m afraid of some ineptitude that I will be judged for or judge myself for. I’m also the laziest ambitious person you’ve ever met. And so I make an excuse, divert attention to some unnamed thing or event that is to blame, and happily take myself off the hook for whatever promise I’ve just broken. My big go-to: I’m just too busy. I don’t have time.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
“I don’t have time to meditate,” I tell myself. “I’ve got so much on the go and I’m always rushed.” This, we know, is bullshit. I’m choosing to not make meditation (or working out, or eating balanced meals or whatever else I say on a frequent basis) a priority. Recent reality check: it’s not everyone or everything else. It’s me. Don’t you just hate (LOVE!) when these themes emerge time after time after time? Just when you think “ahhh I’ve got you this time, personal integrity,” some decision, some choice, some action brings this issue back to the forefront. #learning (students stillll say that's not cool but whatevs <--now that's cool). The silver lining in all this, though, is that I CAN CHOOSE to change this way of being. And so can you.
Making excuses is a wussy way to live. And I’m done with it. I’m holding myself to a higher standard of being with myself, with others, and the world. I’m committing to working on personal integrity, even when it comes to the smallest things—like closing cupboard doors and putting away clean laundry. In this feeling of “ughhh I have to face this?” I’ve come to realize that this is good. It’s actually all good. Beating myself up isn’t going to make it better, so instead, having some promises in place (with a few friendly but unwanted consequences in the event that I break them) will help to keep me honest and on track—without the guilt or judgment. I’ve got three that I’m currently working on (and entering week two already I’ve consistently kept two of the three). Being able to hold myself accountable and to trust that I’m going to do what I say is powerful. I already feel like I can rely on myself in better and stronger ways. And I feel connected. There’s a deeper presence and sense of mindfulness as I go about my day. Try it: make some promises to yourself. Find some consequences. And be kind.
If you hear me making an excuse, call me out. And maybe give me a little smile as I momentarily cringe and tell myself this is all just a part of evolving and growing.
If you want to know more about promises and consequences, leave a comment below, or tell me what your excuses are (and what promise and consequence you’re going to commit to). I’d love to support J